Excuse the inactivity, I mearly need a rant.
Grandmother is in town, oh what fun. Well, me being the “oldest”, and me being “15 years old” and me having a “boyfriend” makes me the perfect target for my grandmother’s consistent ridicule. I don’t for the life of me understand what goes through that woman’s head, and how she thinks her fucked up nagging will help me somehow. Shes a racist, prejudice hag that only ever belittles others, obviously I’m not going to listen to her. Yet she has this power, to never shut the fuck up so I’m forced to take thought to her empty insults.
Apparently you’re conceited if you look in the mirror. I was fixing my hair, and all of a sudden she goes into bitch mode. I try my best to be careful of the on switch, but I’m pretty sure it’s hopeless. She goes on about how “since high school you’ve gotten so conceited, it’s not good for a lady. You’re never going to go anywhere if you think so highly of yourself.” Thanks Nan. You don’t even fucking know me, you’re an old lady that gossips and needs to learn some manners. I don’t have a positive self image at times, and it bugs me how I tend to put myself down so I try my best to find the good in myself, but it’s not possible with my grandmother. Conceited? Maybe, but guess what, fuck you.
I’m done with giving her my respect. Today I was cutting strawberries in the kitchen, and she started giving me an hour’s lecture about how selfish it was to not use the cutting board, because it puts marks on the counter. I was cutting them on a napkin for fuck’s sake. I tried to explain seeing it was only a couple strawberries instead of dirtying up the cutting board I was cutting them on a napkin. She’s the one who always lectures us about “giving dad less work” by never asking him for rides (well sorry, I can’t drive mother fucker. Oh yeah, and if you don’t want me to be a social outcast I’m going to need rides, but of course she wants that.) so I tried explaining, and claimed that I was a liar because she never gave lectures about dishes because it’s “different to her”. I was just going to be like whatever, be your old lady whore self, I’m going to eat these nommy strawberries.
O! Woops! I forgot, you’re not allowed to eat in front of my grandmother, even if it’s strawberries. She decided to move her lecture into a direct attack, saying how I eat SO much and how much weight I was gaining. Basically calling me fat, in old lady terms. Well thanks Nan, that’s the best thing you can say to a 15 year old girl. I know I’m fat, fucking leave me alone. I’m eating strawberries… are you kidding me? If you’re going to give me this lecture, give it to me when I’m eating cake, kthx.
And I forgot, how I’m “oh so perfect, and always right”, or so she says. Apparently because I’m the only one with enough balls to challenge her, I must be IN LOVE WITH MYSELF, and I must think I’m ALWAYS RIGHT. I well recognize I’m in the wrong right now for bitching out my grandmother, but guess what, doesn’t mean I’m not going to address my opinion. I don’t think I’m always right, but if you’re wrong I’m going to say something about it. She has a lot of old fashion ideas and values, and I try my best to tell her about how things are NOW. Uh, yeah, that was a wasted effort. She doesn’t understand the concept that just because I’m a woman and the oldest doesn’t mean I should be obligated to take everything into my own hands. She tells me how I should be doing all the laundry, I should be washing all the dishes, cleaning the house, making food and keeping my studies on top. She doesn’t understand that I’m 15, and I want to enjoy my youth. I wouldn’t mind helping out with chores, but when I do it’s just not good enough. Luke and Olivia don’t have to do anything while I’m expected to do everything, WELL OF COURSE I’M GONNA TELL MY GRANDMOTHER TO DREAM ON. It’s unjust treatment.
And of course, my boyfriend. I’ve been going out with this guy named Stuart since new year’s, and he was a really good friend beforehand. I REALLY like this guy, he likes me, OBVIOUSLY WE’RE GOING TO GO OUT AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER. She likes to claim all my bad traits (a.k.a all of them) are because I’ve been with a boy. I’m in high school, of course I’m going to change, but it has nothing to do with my boyfriend. And if I go over to his house it doesn’t mean I’m sucking his dick, calm down. I know my limits. I have independence when you’re not there, and I can do what I want and that’s how youth get RESPONSIBILITY! CHOICES! If I come home from his house and I start to pour a bath, is it REALLY necessary to ask “what have you been doing that you need a bath? Leah, incredible.” Fuck you? It’s 8 at night, a bath would be nice? Fuck you. Stuart is such a nice guy, a good influence if anything, quit judging.
I have a lot more to say, but this is getting quite lengthy… and I need to get in the shower ;3
